The Beginning

Where it all began, that first note:

Like the remains of an empty shell — a shell stripped of all life.
Dense, hollow emptiness residing in darkness.
To say nothing lies within wouldn’t be true,
because there is something contained inside.

A sort of loneliness, a darkness I cannot be plucked from;
brokenness that feels beyond repair,
fractured shards of me that cannot be pieced back together.

Have I been shattered glass all along, craving for someone to fix me?
Simply drawing people near to somehow repair what’s been broken,
only to leave them cut and hurting from my sharp and jagged edges.

Is there no one to soften this sharpness and pain?
Or will I continue to wither into an abyss of nothingness—
a kind of too far gone that will forever be overlooked and discarded.

What will save me now? Because this time I cannot save myself.

This first ever note, how it changed absolutely everything - and as I wrote it, my fingers shook and tears spilled down my cheeks. I felt so incredibly self-conscious as I read back over these words, thinking how dramatic I sounded and yet for the first time in so long, so satisfied because I could finally articulate what it was I was feeling inside. This here, this was the very beginning.